Signs Your Dog Might Be Running an Underground Coffee Shop While You Sleep
~Something smells coffee-ey around here~
Has your dog been acting strange? Are they particularly jittery? Are you finding barista supplies poorly hidden around your home? This might be cause for concern.
Maybe your dog is moving around all night or your french press is always damp. Coincidence? We think not.
Here are the most common (and unsettling) signs that your hound is secretly running a late-night café:
1. Too Many Naps:
Why is your dog sleeping all day? That’s the kind of exhaustion you only get from working nights.
2. Why is all the coffee gone?
There was a full bag of beans yesterday, now it’s almost all gone. Did you use them? Did you sleep invite a bunch of raccoons to a coffee tasting? Or is your dog slinging lattes at owls and using you as their supplier?
3. Prints:
The brewing equipment is sticky. There are paw prints on the steaming pitcher. The evidence is really piling up.
4. Clocking Your Every Move:
Are you finding them underfoot a lot more while you prepare your coffee? Are they sniffing out the differences in the different types of beans? Are they staring intensely while you brew?
5. Tiny Apron:
Is there a coffee stained apron that could fit a child mysteriously appearing in your laundry? Where did it come from?
6. Misleading Sounds:
Is that a boof or did they just say “brew”? Are they trying to correct your frothing technique?
7. Loyalty Card:
It’s paw-printed and punched six times. The seventh gets them a free pup-accino. The branding? Suspiciously sleek. Did they hire a graphic designer? Is your dog… business networking?
BONUS: The Menu You Found Under the Couch
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“Bark-ccino” – steamed oat milk with a peanut butter swirl
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“Cold Brew for Cool Dogs” – filtered beef bone broth over ice
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“The Good Boy Blend” – medium roast with tail-wagging notes of bacon and tennis ball
It’s laminated. There are seasonal specials. This is not a hobby. This is a business.
Concerning Conclusions:
All of these are really adding up in a concerning way. If your dog is running an underground café… maybe don’t stop them. Maybe lean in. Let them thrive. They might actually be a better brew master than you. There’s room in the world for artisan dog baristas, and honestly, we’d trust a golden retriever with our oat milk order.
Tune in for our exclusive interview with our secret source: Anonymous Canine Barista Reveals Identity and Spills the Beans.
#pawssiblemuttownedbusiness
#diggingupevidence
#senttothecoffeehouse